Sadness In My Heart For Those Who Don’t Seek

Nothing feels better than feeling like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders! That is exactly how I felt when I walked up and out of the water of Baptism! I was so proud of my daughter and son who were also Baptized at the same time!

But as much as I felt excitement for us, there was a deep sadness for my family and friends. I had been asking questions and seeking Him out and many family members and friends did not understand. There was a pure honesty that was filling my heart!

The verse in the Bible, Matthew 10:35, that said He came to divide family against each other stuck out in front of me! I understood this verse all too well. I left the old ways behind and trudged forward. I began to see the attitudes of others and I was saddened by the loss of friends and family, but I knew that God’s family surpassed all others.

My husband had a hard time with my love for Christ above him, but he was beginning to see on his own just how much of God that people had in their hearts for others whose love for Christ was strong. Some who talked behind our backs, which we used to do too, those who would turn their heads when we’d come around, and those who would argue or simply not care to listen grew further away from us.

The one who told me I left my family was beyond rude. He said he’d wished he’d never helped my husband and I get together. In that same conversation, he wanted recognition and for us to brag about him to others for helping us get together. In response, I didn’t feel that way! I told him I didn’t leave my family but gained a family! Aren’t we all suppose to love Christ? This was just the beginning of wake up calls to just who truly loved the Lord.

It was heartbreaking to see how we used to think and now coming to light through others and I thank the Lord every day for that veil that was lifted from my eyes. I had to do my part to find Him not Him coming to me necessarily. Matthew 7:7 says to seek and ye shall find. He does not say the opposite! He does not say He will hen pick His chosen. The door is open for all.

2 Corinthians 3:14 says, “But the people’s minds were hardened, and to this day whenever the old covenant is being read, the same veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth. And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ.” Hebrews opened my eyes to this aspect! We live by going through Christ and not going through old covenant laws.

My way of praying changed a bit as well. I understood that as it says in Hebrews, no one can go to God the Father except through Him. I hadn’t put much emphasis on Christ as much as I had God Himself. I know the 3 as one – God the Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit, but I used to just pray to God and didn’t think much about His Son. But I understood as I studied and was reborn that Christ is my Road!

I just had to do something to help others find His way! Was it what God wanted of me? Do I dare cause more rift with others? How could I not? How could I, now seeing what I had never seen before, not share such joy? Oh those feelings of pining away and not fitting in were right on my tail! But Christ had me!

Now, I had an empowering heart to share! I knew that Christ would still be with me and so what if people didn’t like me. So what if they continued in sin and did as we used to by talking about me! Who cares if they trashed and hated me! They trashed God’s Son more and as long as He was my guide, I had nothing to fear!

The greatest thing was knowing God’s forgiveness and purity. Now, on to His work and praying for continuous forgiveness for my weaknesses. Yes, there is a change in behavior and attitude after Baptism, but we all fall short and need forgiveness! I struggled with that because it is hard to forgive when you’ve been trashed and hurt. But God says in His word to forgive less we not be forgiven ourselves!