Storms Both Physical And Mental

Storms in life come and go and I myself am not immune to them. I am not referring to actual weather storms but life incidents that cause pain and tears! The physical or mental and some times both incidents that change your life in an instant or gradually.

At the same time I was baptized and really getting hyped up about Jesus and doing what I could to help others understand and find truth, my disc degenerative disease gnawed at my spine and neck. I couldn’t tell which one was worse at first!

I saw both a physical therapist and chiropractor, had MRI’s taken, and ate Advil morning, noon, and night! It had become quite a staple in my diet. The gradual decline in my health was obvious! I hurt so bad that exercise made things worse. My weight kept climbing higher and every diet failed. I was depressed about being obese and fat.

I knew the weight was not helping my spine or other issues, but I felt like I was in a rut! I had to turn myself around. At this time, I was also representative payee for my sister and made a decision that since her daughter was now old enough to take over the reins, I needed to destress and start taking care of me.

It’s amazing what stress does to your body and as soon as I put those plans to improve into affect, it’s like a ton of bricks being lifted from my shoulders! Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind helping my sister out when she needed me, but I was neglecting myself horribly.

That summer went like a breeze! I began to take a weight loss product and lost about 90 pounds! I became so thirsty and developed major pancreatitis. I had so much junk build up in my body that my pancreas couldn’t handle the toxins releasing.

My blood sugar rose to a dangerous level and although I was losing so much weight, the damage to my spine and body was already there. Years of farm work lifting and bending the wrong way to gaining weight had damaged my body. It felt great being thinner, even though I still had and have much more to lose, but the pain in my spine got worse.

I had been holding off surgery for years and about 4 years ago decided I’d had enough! I sought advice previously and most Dr’s would tell me to hold off as long as I can because theoretically when you have surgeries earlier in life on your spine, you end up with more surgeries in your older age.

When you get to that older age, sometimes your body cannot handle surgeries. They prefer waiting as to avoid second surgeries! That being said, they Also really want you to tell them that you are ready and are done with hurting! I was done!

I spent many times not being able to go and enjoy things. Sometimes I’d walk out of church service crying because it hurt so bad. Several areas hurt all at once, but I decided the worse was the neck. I couldn’t lift my arms or bend to pick things up. That, in combination of the lower lumbar, frustrated me so bad!

Anger showed it’s face many times because I didn’t know how to tame it! Those storms of raging feelings and bitterness toward not understanding why I had to hurt caused occasional lightning bolt outbursts of my tongue! I was ashamed of myself! Even though there weren’t too many who heard me, I knew God did!

If I couldn’t turn my head or do normal things, I couldn’t lift my legs to walk! It wasn’t just storming, it was severe weather causing my body and emotions to be struck by lightening and pelted by hail! But God knew I needed a calm eye of the storm when he reminded me of my husband! That man was my walker! Still is! God’s love for me kept me on the path of beautiful sunsets and morning sunbeams!

Our journeys are filled with storms of all kinds! Some have family issues, some of health, some of money, some of addictions, and others live with hateful abusive people. One thing that kept me going was knowing God’s love as He sent His Son who was tortured for me! His storm was darker than anyone’s or that anyone could ever imagine!

We have to make decisions in life to please The Lord, but we also have to take care of ourselves as He says He is the head and we the body. I have not made right decisions nor stayed healthy, but I have to make choices to better myself physically and spiritually to be able to do His will. I was on a path to make things right!