My Life Story My Way Day 20

The heart is delicate and has to function to live. It has to be taken care of not only physically but also emotionally. To spiritually live, it has to deal with many emotions to grow. My heart was always back and forth with emotions from being bullied, from feeling like an outcast, from school and work, and of course from love. God’s heart He placed within me grew stronger and continues to thanks to Him!

By the time I reached 20, my thoughts were all over the place. I was still in college and wondering just what I was going to do when I finished. You see, I studied poetry and writing and in a small community, I was not too sure what opportunities there were.

I kept getting the answer of ‘just friends’ from my beau every time I asked him where our relationship was going. I had to suck it up when he would tell me once that he invited another girl to one of his Derby parties that I was also attending. I would see him go by with someone else a time or two. Even though these were very few times, I began to think God’s plans for me were in a different direction.

I had so much advice from family and friends on how to win his heart. One told me the way to a man’s heart was through the stomach. Oh man was I ever in trouble. I was too much of a tomboy to be a cook! I did make him a ‘Chicken Surprise’ once. Unfortunately I did not have chicken and used tuna fish instead. We laughed about that and it was not too bad!

Another told me the phrase, “If you let someone go and they return, they are yours. But, if they do not, they never were.” I took that to heart, I was in a frame of mind that I was tired of being just friends and why waste so many years of wanting more when that was not what he wanted. If he was going out with others, His heart was probably not on the same page.

So, I made a decision to just be friends and said no every time he called to ask me out. I went to work and avoided him like there was no tomorrow. I avoided him when he would call the house. That being said, I’d come home from work or after I’d say I was too busy or refusing his calls and go downstairs and cry for hours! I was a royal mess!

Then one day about a couple of months later perhaps, I broke down and said I’d go with him to his Uncles ‘s funeral home. I had a weakness for those who hurt and I knew he dreaded going. His most private feelings he trusted to me so I went. I’ll never forget his words when I got into the car. He looked at me and said, “Don’t ever do that to me again.” I knew in that moment that his ‘just friend’ attitude was a cover up.

That phrase on letting go and coming back held to be true. After that day, we only dated each other and more frequently. God took all my tears and held them for me. His plans were bigger and still are bigger than my own. My heart and eyes began unfolding to His ways more and more than before and my faith and relationship with Him tightened.