I struggled as I grew because I always felt I did not fit in. Understand that it was not because my Aunt, Uncle, or cousins did not make me feel as family because they did. It was an inner self feeling that I never grew up knowing my real siblings or parents like a normal family. I rarely saw my siblings partly because they were much older than myself and everyone was too busy with their own farm life and friends.
I was missing something. Actually, I was missing Someone! I grew up as a Catholic and my Aunt always made sure we went to church and prayed. I discovered one of my talents God blessed me with was writing my feelings into poetry. 1 Peter 4:10-11 says that each should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms… so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power forever and ever Amen.
I started to write prayers to God through my poetry but hadn’t figured out the serving others part yet. I was writing my feelings and concerns. That was not a bad thing yet as I grew in my faith, I understood there was much more to serving! In writing, I felt a peace to the emptiness I felt. I knew I had a true friend in God.
Not only did I write poetry, I also felt drawn to go to church and play the organ and just sit. Back in those days, the church was always open and anyone could go in to reflect or pray. My struggles with fitting in carried over to my friendships and family relationships. Without going into detail, I felt excluded but was actually excluding myself! One cousin saw through me and one day said, “You won’t fit in unless you join in.” That was a jolt I needed to change my thinking! I always did things like pine away in the house when we had holiday celebrations or went anywhere. Just that one sentence made me think. I think I was about 15 or so at that time and just in the teenage rage.