As I progressed with age, my life experiences caused many emotions! At times I secluded myself from others due to the fear of loss and hurtful relationships and at times I felt myself being aggressive, especially when it came to the topic of God and religion.
I had someone I know fairly close to me who I thought was a friend and didn’t realize they had issues with me. During this time of seeking, we had a POW wow and I was saddened to learn that this friend had someone always down her throat about wanting her to be more like me. I felt bad for that friend because each person is different and God blesses us with different qualities for His purpose. As hurt and agrivated as I was with myself and attitude included, my heart ached for her. Oh the years wasted due to someone else’s influence.
The Bible and it’s entirety overwhelmed me and the more I read, especially with the newfound History books from homeschooling, the more I got excited yet confused. I found comfort in my everyday life situations when I leaned on Him. I had a few people to lean on as well and each came from different religions.
One neighbor a little distance away studied and went to church at a place where they felt Jesus’ true presence was literally there. We all know that He won’t return until the end of this world as we know it. They allowed women to preach, spoke in tongues, and literally physically healed people at times with the guidance of God of course. That too, was against God’s Word. 1 Corinthians 14:34 and 1 Corinthians 13:8-10 talks about women in a leadership position and the gifts of healing being accomplished and done with as His Word was evolved. His word was made perfect.
Another group I studied with was a little too out there and reached into more of the Bible than there actually was. Too much speculation and not enough proof for me. With each of these two, I was measuring up with Biblical verses and too many things did not add up. Too many were taking a verse or two out of context and making something out of it that was not. To read a verse, I found that reading the Bible as a whole from front to back was His love story and you had to take it as a whole and understand the history at this point.
Other situations occurring about this same time almost pushed me to insanity, but God held me through it and in each step, I saw Him unfolding my life to His path and not mine. What I thought was my life, was shattered to newness and the revelation that it’s not about me. I was a nobody that wanted to previously be somebody and fit in. I realized I am not suppose to fit in.
Worrying about what others thought of me and being a bit self-centered was walking out the door. My new perspective was His plan. I had so many questions and I used a Bible Dictionary and a Concordance but that wasn’t enough! I hungered for more and more. God’s use of situations to transform my heart was in full throttle.
I have a sister-in-law who was going to a Church of Christ at this time. I saw how she was treated when she left the Catholic Church and I feared for the same reactions yet she and her husband were my go to when I had a question or needed help finding something in His Word. I saw how their love for The Lord was strong and uplifting. There was something about this that peaked my interest.
The few Catholics I asked some of my questions to had no idea what I was usually talking about nor could they help me find my answers. The priests I asked always put the blame on the Western Orthodox and said they didn’t know the whys to many of my questions.
At this point in my life, I was also more conscious about what I was teaching the CCD classes. He says in James 3:1 that, “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” Bam! That was a punch to my gut! Had I been teaching His Word correctly? By what the Catholic Bible even said, no! Was I letting my yes be yes and my no be no as He instructed in Matthew 5:37? No! Confusion was not an option.
As new life in springtime arrives, let our hearts be renewed to His love!