Not long ago, I wrote an article on how to be a good friend. Sometimes, however, it is good to NOT be friends with someone. When friends are playing the “I am better than you game,” the “using” you game, being the bullying type, and when they are bad influences, then they truly are not a good friend and should be avoided.
I remember my grade school and high school years quite well. There were 12 of us living in a home with one bathroom, four bedrooms, and a couple of make-shift rooms. We were very limited on space and did not have the luxuries that other families had. Dad spent many months on the road looking for jobs and mom, trying to raise us 10, babysat for neighborhood families for an income. We were poor and sometimes were lucky to get meat for our supper maybe once every week or two.
I had a so-called friend who was always putting me down and making snide remarks about my clothing, not wearing make-up, or shaving. And as a teen and probably everyone in general, to fit in with everyone and find a sense of belonging is always high on the list for some reason. It is hard living up to everyone elses standards when the money is just not there. But to admit you are poor, no way was I going to do that. So I would always find excuses or shrug it off the best I could. I wasted more of my time and energy worrying about that friendship when I really should have been concentrating on others like myself who were considered the “geeks.” I found that I enjoyed their company better anyhow and they were always more sympathetic and understanding. Besides, there is too much competition and drama in most groups and it is not worth your energy.
When your friends constantly put you down and degrade you to the point of acting way better than you, then they are not true friends. According to the Bible in Proverbs 17:17 and 18:24, a friend loves at all times and even surpasses the expectations of even your brother. A friend will stick with you for whatever reason and defend you completely, unless you really are that wrong, then a true friend will gently let you know and still stick with you as you figure it out.
My friendship experiences were probably like most others. Everyone wants to fit in and we are always confronted with many different personalities, but some can be quite cruel. It is good to take some criticism, but if it is constant, then it is not good. When this occurs, talk to your friend about the situation and your feelings and let them know your thoughts. Sometimes people cannot see what they are doing and do not realize they are hurting others. It is only right to talk to most first to work something out before ending a friendship. It is a great courtesy to do so, not to mention it makes you feel better and look like a good person because of it.
Another friend I once had basically was using me to hang around with when she did not have anyone else to do things with. I did not realize it until one day I overheard several of her other friends talking about what she was saying about me. I realized she really did not like me and only kept me as her “friend” as a side kick. I always wondered why she could never go with me places when I asked and would only call here and there.
If someone does not have nice things to say about you and puts you down to others by talking behind your back, maybe they have a legitimate excuse, but usually not. Whatever their excuse whether it be to fit into someone else’s crowd and show off or act better to not appear they like someone not as good as they think they are, they are not true friends. A true friend will not talk bad about you and will want to do things with you on a regular basis. Again, please talk with that friend first before making a decision to end the friendship. Find out the whys before you let someone go, but do not let anyone walk all over your feelings either. Stand your ground yet be reasonable.
Another friendship of mine was based on this gal manipulating me to get what she wanted. She liked to threaten to kill herself if I did not do things for her, such as calling some guy to come over or this or that. I learned fast that these types play on your feelings and heart and only care about themselves. Conniving and manipulating others is wrong. Anyone who tries to convince you to do things you should not is NOT a true friend and chances are, you will end up hurt or in trouble worse than they. Sometimes it is good to go to an adult that knows them to explain what they are doing especially if you are unsure if they are serious about their threats, but usually they are not. That gal is still doing fine today and that was many many years ago.
Because of being poor and not looking like others thought I should, I was picked at a lot and called names. Some called me 4-eyed fool because I wore glasses and others called me Bozo. But I considered myself blessed although I was bullied. Later in life I had a couple actually apologize to me so take heart, some do eventually grow up. There one one young man I really felt sorry for because he was really bullied. And bless his heart, all he wanted were friends and to fit into a group. This guy was constantly picked on, hung up on a pole hook, and talked into doing some mischievous things just to hang out with this group.
He was a little strange himself, but those trouble makers made it worse for him and he did not want to listen to reason. He kept trying. People like this usually end up hurt and not just mentally, but physically. Friends like these should be avoided and the best way to do that is to just stay away from them completely without any lines of confrontation because most end up worse than when it started because bullies usually have the last word, or action should I say.
Usually there are others around who would welcome a friend like yourself. Try looking to those who are in the smaller and less noisy groups. Those usually make great friends. It is written in Hebrews 13:1-2 to entertain strangers because one never knows when they are entertaining an angel. So perhaps you have an angel near to you waiting to be your friend.
One of the BIGGEST issues with friends is drug and alcohol abuse. What I did not mention earlier is the fact that who I called my mom and dad are actually my aunt and uncle. My dad was in WWII and when he returned, he kept hanging around his army buddies and drank his life away. Because of his alcoholism and my real mom’s inability to raise me, I lived with my cousins, who I am very thankful for. My dad chose to give his family up because of his drinking. His drinking ruined our family, but that was his choice.
If you have friends who want you to drink or do drugs, then all they want is for you to ruin your life as well. Think of your family and those who love you before you make the decision to go down the drug and alcohol path. It will affect them and you, especially the drugs which can be so addicting that you will more than likely not be able to get out from under those influences without help. And even with help, many still continue and end up committing serious crimes to afford their addictions.
I am very proud to say I have never experienced drugs nor even been drunk in my entire life and my every wish is that you, too, can be proud enough to say it yourself when you are older. You DO NOT have to fall into these groups to fit in and be someone! These addictions and people who influence you to do them will ruin you and lead you into a path of sickness, abuse, jail, prison, and even possibly death. Think of the consequences before you choose the wrong path. You are better than that.
God created you for who you are. He says in His Bible that our bodies are His temple. In other words, we also have the responsibility of taking care of our bodies and that includes not abusing it with drugs, alcohol, or other things that will harm us, or others. I did not find it too hard to stay away from this type of crowd and I know you can do it too, have FAITH in God and yourself to be strong.
God states over and over about the sin of the flesh. If you are in a girlfriend or boyfriend relationship and one is trying to convince you to go “all the way,” then you need to politely explain that that is something sacred meant for your spouse only. Besides, it is special to save that for your spouse and will make your relationship so awesome because of it.
God is very specific on His instructions of a man and wife and the “union” as only being the “two” made into “ONE.” Once you give in, He sees this as that union into ONE and if you decide later on that that relationship is not what you wanted, then you are breaking God’s wishes and committing adultery. Before you mess up your lives and do something you might regret, you better make sure you have that commitment first. Do NOT let anyone take advantage of you and take that preciousness away.
I remember how challenging it was growing up as a teen and ALL teen and adults have those feelings, but you MUST think of the consequences first, not to mention the diseases that can even kill you if you get them now a days. I heard a young man speaking once to a young teen group and he said to the young men at that point, “Imagine yourselves as having a daughter, would you want your daughter to be taken advantage of?” And in truth, we are all someone’s son or daughter and we would not want our own children to get hurt. If you are unsure of God’s expectations on this matter, please read Genesis 2:23-25 on the union of a man and a woman, 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 on sexual immorality, Jesus’ words on divorce and adultery in Mark 10:1-12, and still yet of sinful desires of the heart to sexual impurity for the degrading of bodies with one another found in Romans 1:18-32. Do not degrade yourselves to someone lower than the wonderful person you were created to be.
There are so many common sense instructions in the Bible and who to and not to be friends with. It says in 2 Thessalonians 3:16 to keep away from every idle brother who does not live according to God’s words. And that includes those who abuse drugs or alcohol, commit sexual sin, and those who are mean to others and do not show love as they should. It also states in James 4:17 that anyone who knows the good, the right way to behave around friends, he aught to do good and if he does not, he is a sinner. If we know better than to not follow along with those who are fake or bullies, who do drugs or alcohol, or those who break those sacred vows and follow along anyhow, we are actually just as guilty. I really do not believe for a second that you want to fall into that category. You are worth more than that more than you may even believe yourself.
Always keep love and goodness of heart first. Do not let others tromp on your heart and break your spirit by making you think you are less than them, influencing you to do wrong whether it be drugs, alcohol, or sex, or even bullying you to do mean things just to fit in. You are special and just as important as anyone else. Remember to find forgiveness for those who do hurt you because God says if we cannot forgive others, He will not forgive us. There are others who need your friendship so concentrate on them and do not try so hard to fit in to where you probably do not belong anyhow. Be yourself and be happy!
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Originally Published: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Rebecca_Book/93543