I cannot begin to tell you how many of my close relatives, friends, or neighbors that have died. The earliest I remember is when I was in my early teens. From all of my experiences, I have found several means of comfort that I would like to share with you for either your own comfort or to help comfort someone else in their loss.
The core of all pain comes from the heart, which was created for Love. When someone close to us dies, it feels as if a big hunk has been ripped from our hearts like flesh ripped in a critical accident. It hurts and takes a long time to heal. It feels like sometimes we just simply want to curl up and disappear. It sometimes gives us an attitude of not wanting to open ourselves ever again to any kind of deep relationship.
But there is a hope and Love that can heal those tears and restore your heart. I have found that the first thing to do is to reach out to God for comfort. Just talk to Him and really pray with all you have. I figure if He created my heart for Love, then I should depend on Him for healing. He sent His Son Jesus to die for us who believe so that we will one day live forever. I reflect on His words in Romans 8:10-11 where it says if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the spirit is alive because of righteousness. If the Spirit of the One who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, the One who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also, through His Spirit that dwells in you. I take comfort in knowing that when God is ready for me, I will one day see my loved ones again.
Another scripture I keep in mind is that of Romans 14:8. It says that if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord; so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. And we all are the Lord’s whether we want to admit it or not. He created each one of us and we are all here on borrowed time to do His will for we are all mortal for this earth.
Several of those who were close to me died from cancer, sickness, old age, and fatal accidents. To see someone suffer such tragedies is almost as bad as death itself. I am comforted in knowing that death has freed them from their suffering and pain. It does not make missing them or hurting easier, but it does help to know the Lord has power over death.
I have known some who get mad at God for taking their loved ones and they do not understand. He has power over death, but one must be careful on who to blame. In James 1:13-15, it says never to say that “God tempted me.” Death is sin and evil and the blame is the devil’s. God brings comfort to those who suffer at the devil’s expense. You see, in the beginning there was the devil who caused Eve, then Adam, to sin. This opened the world to sin and death. Before he came along and enticed Eve to eat that apple, there was no sin and death. God’s intent was always and is always for good. So be careful in blaming God. He is ultimately in charge but His will is to be.
Usually when someone close dies, other family members, close friends, and neighbors show up to sympathize and remember along with us. Instead of wallowing in the pain I really want to, I try to listen closer to these people’s stories and memories they are sharing. Revel in everyone and when in a quiet moment you slip into sadness, press replay in your mind and think about what was shared and even remember your own memories. Those thoughts should make things better and for the moment, to eventually the point of dwindling in time.
Sometimes when I feel pretty low I concentrate my thoughts on others. If you have a family, keep yourself busy, really spending quality time with them. Find someone in your family or community who needs a helping hand and spend time with them. Time spent with special people is healing.
If your family or work does not keep you busy enough, join a health club or a support group. Your local hospital usually provides you with information in your area. Meeting new people can bring joy back into your life.
Someone once told me they were afraid of getting close to someone again on count of losing them too. You cannot let fear rule you because that is only the devil’s way of gaining your trust. Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:30-31 that all the hairs of our head are numbered; we are of more value than many sparrows. In those days, sparrows were considered to be valuable. In Luke 12:32, He says again to “fear” not. We are never alone and God wants us to call out to Him in all kinds of prayers and requests. So, have at it!
Another thing I do from time to time, especially when it had been someone very close to me die, is just talk it out. Do NOT hold your feelings in. Talk to someone else close to you who is either experiencing the same loss or just a close friend or relative. I personally have found that an elderly neighbor has some great advice. Our elders are pretty experienced and smart. Talking things out and having a “good cry” is healthy and also healing.
On occasion there has been times when I had not gotten the chance to say goodbye. One thing I found to really help was to send them a goodbye letter. Sounds odd I know, but is very helpful. I just sit quietly to myself and tell them whatever my heart desires. Then, I take the letter outside in favorable conditions and where it is legal and to not catch fire to anything, and burn it, letting the ashes float on to heaven. The relief of a letter is a true blessing at times.
Healing takes time, but keep in mind that you will heal and many new memories will be made by those close to you. If however, you feel that you cannot go on and are so depressed you are sick, then please get professional help. God gave these people the gifted talent of helping, so use one of God’s gifts to you. Do not get so bad you cannot help yourself.
For those of you who simply want to comfort someone in their loss, all this information from calling on God to spending time with others should be a big help. Just be there for them. Send a sympathy card and let them know you are there for them whenever. Simply stop in and give them a hug or drop off a casserole. When you give of yourselves and do for others, you will find comfort and be rewarded too.