I came across a recent article where a Christian school forbade a certain student to attend a public prom. The 17 year old went anyhow and now has been suspended from his Christian school, that is of the Baptist origin of sorts. I was amazed at this, yet at the same time, not surprised with the concept that so many feel a need to control a situation or individual. No matter what situation we are in, people do not realized that we are NOT in control; God is in control. Whether it be an organization or an individual, having complete control over someone is not a reality.
I look at many organizations and religions and every one of them believe they are correct in their ways. Many believe that the others’ ways of thinking is wrong and they build up their organizations with that concept of “we are right and they are wrong” attitudes. A sense of control and influence steps in and it is built upon, yet, not without each individual’s participation. We were created to be who we are and cannot be “unpatterned” unless it be from natural causes or affects. Unless we seek first God’s truth, we will not see that God has given us the choice to make the right decisions based on His word, not the influences of others.
I once belonged to a church group’s council and just like any other organization, some agree with things and some do not. When the “do nots” are weak in number, it is usually always when they leave or get shoved about. The stronger force usually gets their way. By this example, people have made a choice to either follow along or break away. As soon as some who like control realize they have the upper hand, that is all it takes. They feed on that and strive on the weak.’
In the case of that 17 year old, he made his choice in full knowledge of the consequences and he chose his path. The controller , being the Christian school, failed in their attempts to stop the young man and now they feel betrayed and want to retaliate with what they said they would do. At least they are following through with what they threatened, but he broke free. They lost their control of the situation and do not like it. That young man, whether he was right or wrong, reflects his own heart and whether he was right or wrong, he should worry more about God’s wishes than man’s at this point. He is almost an adult and we as parents know that we can support or guide, but cannot control what really happens.
Too many organizations are very influential, but I personally know several individuals who feel they have to control others as well. Not to mention the stories we hear on the news or radio of those who physically or mentally abuse others. Years ago I had a friend who seemed to always get what she wanted by making threats that she was going to kill herself. I remember her locking herself in her bathroom one day and “making” me call some guy to come over or she would slit her wrists. By “making” me call him, she was playing upon my feelings and great respect for life. She was playing upon the idea that she knew I would not want to be responsible for her killing herself. Not only was she playing me, but she was also playing that young man.
I woke up one day to the fact that this friendship was no good and as much as she threatened, I pulled away from under her control. And you know, she is still alive and well today! It starts with the power of the heart and mind in combination, then the rest will fall into place. As much as individuals want control, they cannot really completely control others unless we allow it.
There was a program on a television show not long ago where a young lady was abducted, raped, and was being held as the man’s slave if you will. He kept her tied up most of the time, yet she kept her head clear and played along to a certain extent to win his favor in attempt to escape. It worked! As long as he thought he was in control, he was happy. He never had complete control over her and she survived. Each individual mind is precious and we can only control ourselves, even in the worst of situations.
There is a wife down the road somewhere whose husband controls her. He screams and yells all the time when things do not go his way. He controls what she buys at the grocery store and keeps calling home to make sure she did not go anywhere or the phone line is busy. He is a really jealous type, but as much control as he has, she has a higher control to put up with it if she chooses. If she really wanted out, she would find a way. Fear of the unknown CAN control us, but we as individuals and groups cannot control or be totally controlled.
There is a lady up the street who yells at her husband for wasting money by buying her flowers for her birthday. She constantly puts him down and lets him know what is and what is not going to happen around the house. She “wears the pants” in that family. People who want and need to have control are missing out on the most important things in life. Those important things are true happiness and peace in their lives. Anyone who is a controller is always jumpy, usually spiteful, and hardly ever smiles. They waste their days in unhappiness and misery and those around them suffer for it. They are usually the ones who break one’s heart and spirit and cause ill feelings or depression in others.
2 Corinthians 13:10 in the Bible speaks of building others up, not down. 1 Thessalonians 5:12 says to encourage the timid, not to play on emotions! Ephesians 4:29-32 again speaks of building others up by watching, too, what you say. Controlling others is wrong and common sense will tell you that it breaks one’s spirit. Those who love to break others is walking down the wrong path to God and happiness.
Influence should be of a positive nature. Nurture with love and respect instead of trying to control a situation. If we, especially with children, show by example what is right and just, then this world would be a better place and you would not hear of all those horror stories on the news or radio. Encouragement gets one farther than control.
In Matthew 10:20 Jesus said that not even the sparrow, which was of great value in those days, would fall to the ground unless GOD willed it. It also says every hair on our head is counted. The evil forces out there know how to work their charm, but we have to keep strong and not bend to their whims. We have to depend on God’s grace and know His WILL is for our choices to be His way to work! What is going to be is going to be whether we want it to be or not. Our lives are in His hands no matter what, but He also gives us that choice to either stay in them or jump out. I plan on staying in them myself.
It does not matter if an organization or individual thinks they have control of a situation because they do not. We all have choices to make and if we only listen to God’s words of that plain ole common sense, we will gain control of ourselves and understand the truth between right and wrong. Only then, should we gently guide others to the truth. That is written in 2 Timothy 25. Be a Godly influence and not a controller.